When I first saw the cover of Marty Machowski’s forthcoming book WonderFull: Ancient Psalms Ever New, I said to myself, “Oh man, I know I’m going to like this one!”
After having the privilege of reviewing the book, I knew I had been right.
The beautiful illustrations by Andy McQuire immediately reminded me of his stellar artwork in Machowski’s TheOlogy, which is one of my top favorite theological resources that I keep reading. (Yes, even as a seminary graduate and a single adult with no kids. It’s that good.)
Here’s a general breakdown of the book, including why I think this is easily one of the top children’s books in 2020.
Oliver’s Story – I love how Machowski includes a story element into his works like Prepare Him Room (an Advent family devotional) and TheOlogy. He does it again in WonderFull, which makes the book that much more powerful and relatable for kids. I don’t want to give away too much of the story element because I desperately want you to read it for yourself! All I can say is that it had me with tears in my eyes.
An Introduction to the Psalms – The book starts with a helpful introduction to the psalms. It explains how the Book of Psalms leads us in worship, gives us words to pray, and points to Christ. I firmly believe children should be taught the unity of Scripture, how verses relate to other passages in the Bible, and how it applies to our lives. WonderFull delivered that in the same careful manner as you might expect from The Gospel Story Bible. I’ve always appreciated how Machowski handles difficult texts, so I expected nothing less in this trustworthy resource.
The Psalms in 5 Books – All 150 psalms are organized into five books, keeping in line with how they’re grouped in the Bible. You get just the right bite-sized segment of each psalm with the important themes and application, which is extremely doable for young readers. The “A Closer Look” section provides thought-provoking questions that parents or adults could use to walk with children through this entire book of the Bible. WonderFull helps kids see how they can use the Book of Psalms to give words to their prayers while giving them a gospel-centered perspective of the book. I don’t know a single children’s resource on the Book of Psalms that does this. For those who are searching for material that is theologically sound and Christ-centered, look no further.
Going Deeper – In the back of WonderFull is a section called “Going Deeper.” It suggests a study of twenty-five Psalms, which would make for a good family devotional or be useful in a church setting. The whole book is a rich discipleship tool that I highly recommend. The only thing I could think of that would strengthen WonderFull would be a companion journal. Machowski encourages kids to keep their own journal, but I would have loved to have seen a companion journal for younger disciples or those who aren’t quite in the practice of keeping a journal.
In conclusion, WonderFull does a fantastic job connecting kids’ hearts and minds in the worship of God. Mid-to-upper elementary school-aged kids (ages seven and up) are likely to benefit from the book more, especially with the potential to use it devotionally or in discipleship. But it is sure to be enjoyed by all ages. Children will be challenged to share what they are learning about God with others, which is another reason I encourage you to check out this resource (and others) published by New Growth Press. WonderFull will release next week (September 28, 2020), so take the opportunity to grab it when it comes out. With the holidays coming upon us shortly, this is sure to make a great gift that will keep on giving. You can also check out my previous blog post on some other resources by Machowski that have also been favorites of mine.
Dear young lady,
I wish I could be sitting across from you, face to face over a good cup of coffee. I’m beyond excited to hear how the Lord has placed the nations on your heart. He does all things with his good purpose in mind. When he gave you a burden to see others know him, it was no accident. I remember being in your position. I had sensed his leading me to serve cross-culturally since I was a teen. And man, oh man, did I have so much to learn. I wanted to take a moment to share with you some things I wish I had known, done, or practiced much earlier in life. I’ll start with four practical things I hope you’ll begin practicing now.
Take Jesus Seriously
Following Jesus is serious business. Yes, it can be enjoyable, exciting, challenging, and a whole list of other positive adjectives. But we must take following him seriously in all areas of our lives. I wish I had been less concerned with what others thought of me and instead put that energy into delving deeper in my relationship with Christ. You can do that here and now by developing good spiritual disciplines that will help you grow in godliness. Focus on developing a faithful prayer life. Practice healthy habits of discipleship. Maturity is both essential and crucial for all believers. I lament my lack of maturity when I was in my college years and early twenties. I can name more than one area where I could have been more effective and fruitful, had I been more spiritually mature. I want the best for you. Yes, it means making sacrifices and fleeing from sin. When God prunes unfruitful areas in your life, it will be painful, but it will be for your good. Stick close to Jesus each and every day.
Grow in God’s Word
When you go overseas, you could likely be in an area where there’s no thriving church, no weekly small groups, and only a few believers. Girl, let me tell you now. You cannot live on podcasts and live-streamed sermons alone. Many places overseas are spiritual wildernesses. Learning to dig deep into God’s word will sustain you in those tough places so that you will survive and thrive. Think of it this way. If you want to eat (spiritually speaking), you must learn how to feed yourself.
Seminary or theological education might or not be a requirement for you. Still, I can attest how theological education helped me learn how to dig into Scripture and gave me a deepened love for God and his word. You are called to love God with your heart and your mind. For now, I would recommend starting with a trustworthy resource like Jen Wilkin’s book Women of the Word.
Are you learning how to articulate your faith and beliefs? Once again, that’s where seminary helped me put words to what I believe. It is a great exercise to practice fleshing it out in easy-to-express terms, because one day you may be doing that in another language.
Gain a Skill You Can Use
If you are just now considering what to study in college, it’s okay and actually advantageous to choose a marketable degree. You don’t have to forego your knack for business or marketing. God can and may have wired you to use those skills overseas in places with little or no Christian presence. God gave me a passion for writing, and yet while I was obtaining my seminary degree, I realized he had gifted me in administration. I used those skills and gifts for years in my job, which allowed time for them to sharpen and develop. Today, I am still using both things I enjoy. So hone those skills, spiritual gifts, and talents. Shoddy work does not bring honor or respect to the name of Christ.
Build a Community
You will need a spiritual community before you head overseas, and the best place to start is your local church. Allow your church to know your heart, skills, and calling. Let them speak into you and be of assistance. Unfortunately, not all church leaders can provide this, so it may be wise to seek mentor relationships from other mature believers within your congregation.
Are you building relationships with non-believers and sharing the gospel with them at your current job or school? Being intentional takes practice and effort. If you intend to be active in sharing your faith with non-believers, start with the people around you. Before I moved overseas, I was deeply invested in an international community. Part of me couldn’t help it. These people had become like family and were a blessing to me in many ways.
There are things you don’t have to worry about today. You don’t have to be preoccupied with what country you will be in or would like to serve in. If God lays a nation or people group on your heart, great! Get to know people from that country if possible. It’s fine to look for short-term opportunities or internships to help you gain a vision for where God is leading you. (I encourage it!) But you don’t have to have all the answers about where and when today. You don’t have to wait for a husband to come along.
You don’t have to have all the specifics nailed down, but you do need open hands and an obedient heart. As you are praying, growing, and waiting, allow God to direct your steps. And never stop pursuing him. You won’t regret it. I’m cheering you on!
I was in college, driving to my best friend’s house to hang out with her and a guy showing interest in her. There was no logical reason why I should have had trouble finding the road I needed to turn on, but I couldn’t locate it. Cell phone service was spotty, resulting in a lot of dropped calls in my efforts to have her talk me through the way over the phone. I didn’t have a GPS, so I kept driving around until I finally managed to make it. I lost time, and although it was probably only minutes, it felt like ages.
I found out later that this guy took full advantage of my delayed arrival and asked my friend about dating in between those spotty phone calls. Their dating led to their engagement, with me being the maid of honor at their wedding.
Delays are universal, whether they are missed turns or intentional hold-offs. Either way, they can prove frustrating or baffling when we don’t understand the reason behind them. God’s word has many stories of delays. In John 11, Jesus purposefully delayed going to visit Lazarus when he heard his friend was sick. We read that Jesus loved Lazarus and his sisters, and “when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was” (John 11:5-6, ESV). In the delay, Lazarus died. Jesus and his disciples arrived at Lazarus’ hometown of Bethany to two bereaved sisters. When Jesus came to Mary and Martha, both responded with the statement, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died” (John 11:21,32, ESV). They knew Jesus’s power and character. What Mary and Martha couldn’t see was the purpose behind Jesus’s delayed arrival.
It is easy to take a passage like this and turn it into a character lesson where the focus is on us. We often ask questions like, “What does God want to teach me in my delay?” and, “How should I respond when I face delays?” Although there is room for that, if we only teach about or address delays this way, we risk using Scripture to be a book about us and not about God. That’s easy to do with texts like John 11.
In John 11, the glory of God was forefront and center. Jesus knew from the beginning that Lazarus’ sickness and death would bring glory to him and the Father (John 11:4). When Jesus hears Martha’s hesitation at opening the tomb, he answers by asking, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” (John 11:40, ESV). It’s not that Jesus’s performance of miracles is dependent upon our faith (See William Hendriksen’s New Testament Commentary, “John”). But God does call us to keep his glory at the front and center.
I have to believe Martha and Mary wanted to see God’s glory. However, if they had limited that to only wanting to see God’s glory in Lazarus’s healing (when they had asked Jesus to come), they would have diminished God’s majestic glory. We often do the same, wanting to box God’s glory into our personalized circumstances and “me” shaped boxes.
God’s glory goes beyond our personal story. I saw the delay of getting to my friend’s house as being about me. Where did I go wrong in the directions? Why was I having trouble finding the road I needed? How come I couldn’t hurry up and get there faster? But this wasn’t a lesson about patience or a cliché “Eventually you’ll get there” kind of learning moment. At the time, God was working a bigger, better story behind the scenes, and I couldn’t see it. Nor was I the main character.
Sometimes the vehicle God uses to thrust the greater story of his glory is a delay. It’s uncomfortable being in the seat of waiting and unknown. But God calls us to keep our eyes on him and his glory. In the middle of delays, how can we live as the people of God?
In Isaiah 42:8, God says, “I am the LORD; that is my name; my glory I give to no other, nor my praise to carved idols” (ESV). God takes his glory seriously, and he will not yield it to the idols of our preferences, timelines, and idealized circumstances. As I walk through delays, God’s word guides my eyes to stay fixed on his glory. There may be pain, confusion, or temporary disappointment, but trust me. The view of his glory is much better than we could imagine.
I absolutely love my language teacher. She’s a beautiful, smart, confident young lady who I like to describe as Arab strong. One day last week she marked the errors on almost every single word I wrote down. She corrected (and still corrects) my accent for the 50th time on the same word. It was enough to leave me in tears. (And it actually did.) I wanted to continue loving her, but it was tough when I needed a lot of correction and seemed to be getting plenty of it.
God used language learning to nudge me about accepting his discipline. Here is what I have learned about the two.
1. I need correction. Even though English is my native language, I wasn’t born speaking it perfectly. How much more did (and does) my sinful heart need the correction and training of a holy God! We all have fallen short. I was born with a tendency to go astray and shirk from correction.
2. Discipline is good for growth. If I am to progress in the language, I need to be diligent in giving proper time to studying. Although language study is of some great value, godly discipline has value for all things (including my attitude when being corrected). Godly discipline allows me to grow in Christlikeness.
3. Discipline shows I am legitimate. If I were not a bona fide language learner, why should my language teacher care or desire to correct me? God disciplines those he loves, and it shows his fatherliness to me, his child (Hebrews 12:6-7).
Godly discipline doesn’t feel comfortable, but it is not the only character of God I see. I see his abundant grace, his enduring faithfulness, his generous mercy. I would be severely discouraged if I only focused on God’s discipline and failed to remember his other attributes. Correction is not the only side of my language teacher I witness, either. I experience her encouragement, her joyful laughter, and her genuine care of people. I remember that as we link arms down the hall, call each other flower, and share about life.
Here are some helpful phrases I am trying to train myself to say or things I am trying to do while learning Arabic and finding I am not enjoying being corrected:
Learning to accept correction in various areas is giving me a better attitude for language learning and more profound love for the amazing young lady who teaches me. It is not a “once and done” lesson learned, but a continual journey. Even those who are mature in the faith must yield to God’s discipline daily. Some days I find myself willingly yielding to correction. Other days I balk at being told what to do or how to do it (or what to say and how to say it). Scripture has a promise for this often painful process. “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:11, ESV). With the help of the Holy Spirit, I can allow discipline to produce beautiful fruit for God’s glory if I am willing to be trained by it. That’s the incredible promise we have as believers in Christ.
When I moved overseas, deciding what books to bring, leave behind, or store away was a tough call to make. Some books I couldn’t part with. I even added to my collection, but it wasn’t commentaries or books on cross-cultural living. It was a selection of theological books for children. As the church, we should care about the quality of teaching and writing presented to children. The voice on good Christian publication for children is not limited to parents, teachers, or writers. Reliable sources for kids should be in your selection of books, even if you’re like me – a single in your mid-30’s, no children, and not working with children full time.
As a student in seminary, God’s word came to life in remarkable ways. I needed that kind of academic rigor to train my immature mind and heart to grow in my understanding of God. As growth took place, my love for the Lord deepened and matured. I was excited about God’s word. I wanted to share what I was learning with people of all ages. I became confident that teaching God’s truths to young minds was entirely possible. The church should focus on training young minds if we’re serious about raising a generation of Bible-literate disciples. Here are some reasons why I have found books for children beneficial.
1. It gives me a working language. I learned a lot of new vocabulary while studying theology. Because a lot of the terms were unfamiliar to me, I needed a simple, uncomplicated working definition I could understand and communicate with others. In the church, I interacted with people of different ages and levels of education. Now that I am in a cross-cultural setting and learning a new language (and culture), using vocabulary that is not difficult to translate into another language or culture is valuable when making disciples.
2. It gives me resources I feel confident recommending. As I began soaking up solid teaching, I grew dissatisfied with and disheartened by the bulk of unhelpful material in the Christian market. Regrettably, the majority of Christian material for children was weak. Bible stories were shallow, did not often connect to the Bible as a whole (if they did so at all), and boiled down to moral lessons. When I learned about some gospel-based resources for kids that taught the overarching narrative of Scripture, traced themes throughout the Bible, and helped people grow as disciples, I began telling others about it. (A few people bought or checked out the material based on my recommendations.) I was able to recommend them because they were already in my book collection.
3. It aids my personal spiritual growth. Feeding the hearts and minds of children should be on the same level of importance as feeding hearts and minds of adults. It’s a good, healthy stretch to think of illustrations that are age appropriate or suitable for someone with a lower-level education. Can I find examples suitable for my elementary-school-aged niece? Am I limited to using big words I don’t feel confident explaining? That’s my litmus test. This challenge in learning how to communicate God’s truths without overcomplicating language helped me to grow, too.
So, what books do I recommend?
The Gospel Story Bible by Marty Machowski. I appreciate how Machowski treats the Bible as a whole in this easy-to-follow book. He handles tough passages of Scripture rightly. I mean, how many children’s story Bibles have the story of Achan’s sin from Joshua 7? Not many, I’m afraid.
The Ology, also by Machowski, is another one I personally own. This is one of the most helpful books I have found for teaching profound, theological truths. It is incredibly readable, and it would go along wonderfully with something like New City Catechisms.
Prepare Him Room is a fun, family-friendly Advent devotional, but I found it delightful with or without a family. Yes, it’s another one by Machowski. He handles Old Testament prophecies on the coming of Christ in a way that adults and kids alike can enjoy and learn from. It’s also concise, so it’s great for busy families and short attention spans.
New Growth Press also has curriculum to go along with some of these sources. By the way, check out the fantastic music that accompanies these works! I am hooked. It’s been aunt tested, niece approved. Most of the music for Machowski’s works is by Sovereign Grace. You can’t beat New City Catechism’s catchy music, either.
(Sorry this is so heavy on one author! If you know others who are equally reliable, feel free to comment. I’d love to hear your recommendations.)
I also include a list of a few recommended podcasts:
The Gospel Coalition’s Help Me Teach the Bible podcast by Nancy Guthrie is one of my go-to’s. She has a helpful episode on how to Raise the Bar When Teaching Children in her interview with David and Sally Michael. Listening to it is worth your time!
The Village Church in Texas has a great podcast called Knowing Faith, featuring one of my favorite Bible teachers, Jen Wilkin. They raise more than a few thought-provoking questions in the episode “Can Kids Be Theologians?”.
“God’s timing is perfect,” she said to me. The words settled like soured milk in my stomach on a hot day. I grew angry. Not at the sweet woman who I knew was praying for me in all sincerity as I prepare to move overseas. I didn’t sense my anger was directed at God, either.
It was the fact she said it like God’s timing was something I was supposed to enjoy. And right then I wasn’t.
“Is this phrase even biblical or theologically sound?” I asked myself. I wasn’t finding it helpful in a season of waiting and unknowns. It certainly isn’t quoted in the Bible. I decided to delve into Scripture, and was fascinated by what I found.
Time, in the original Hebrew language, speaks of what God has appointed; the occurrence, occasion, or season for something. It’s also used to mark the duration or circuit for something, which can be taken as linear like a calendar.
You may be more familiar with two Greek words for time. Perhaps your pastor or a Bible teacher has mentioned “chronos” or “kairos” in their sermons or teaching. Chronos represents the sequential sense of a period of time or marked duration. It’s like clock time. Kairos is different in that it marks an appointed time or a proper or opportune time, especially for action.
How long would my period of waiting last? When would God act on my behalf by supplying my needs? I had no answers and absolutely no control. I wanted both, but I knew they were not in my power to give or take. Had they been, all my needs and the answers to my questions would have been granted yesterday. I pressed on to trust God even though his timing seemed far from perfect and waiting was certainly not enjoyable.
So where did the idea that “God’s timing is perfect” come from? I decided to reach out to a former seminary professor and colleague who could help me with the ancient Hebrews’ understanding of God’s timing. The Hebrew people believed that the Lord was not forgetful or negligent in carrying out his promises. Everything was done according to his planned timetable. He also explained this saying probably came from a general theological observation based on the idea of divine sovereignty, referencing Galatians 4:4 and 2 Peter 3:8-9 as examples.
Corresponding with my professor and a more thoughtful study of Scripture gave me a different perspective of God’s timing.
If we consider God’s timing to be perfect in the sense that it speaks of what he’s appointed, that it is promised to be brought to completion and fully accomplished by him, then I think we would agree God’s timing is perfect.
Isaiah 61:2 speaks of the year of the Lord’s favor (Chronos time). Jesus said, in Luke 4:21, he fulfilled this same passage. This unmerited favor, in the form of the incarnate Christ, came from a perfect God at the exact time he appointed.
If, however, we take God’s perfect timing to mean it conforms to our exact ideals, then we are sorely disappointed, for is not perfect.
Psalm 145:15 is a blessing I often used and taught children to use before meals: “The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food in due season.” Due season is not something we’re privileged to determine, as much as we may wish we were. Delays and setbacks happen. The world is blemished by sin, and Satan often conspires to thwart what God has perfectly ordained. Sometimes I am guilty of inaction or indifference to what God has willed. Adding to that tension, we are still waiting for the complete fulfillment of God’s Kairos time for Christ to return.
We can and should take comfort in his delay. It affords us the joy of marveling at his patient kindness toward sinners like us. Waiting in the “already, but not yet” is our opportune time to proclaim the gospel, to boldly declare the Lord’s favor to those who can do nothing to earn it. What better way to make the most of our time – the time God has given us – than to be agents of restoration and reconciliation as we wait for his glorious promises to unfold.
If you are inclined to tell someone God’s timing is perfect, point to Christ rather than circumstances. It’s tempting to tell stories of people who “waited just a bit longer” and whatever they were waiting for unfolded – marriage, children, career, etc. When we tell those stories, we may give the false impression God will work the same way in their lives or that waiting will earn them their spiritual patience badge. God’s timing has rarely coincided with my own well-intended plans, and I’m beginning to see it’s probably a good thing.
The more I stop trying to fit God and his timing into my proverbial box, the more I am free to see him as bigger and better. When I yield my temporal short-sightedness for his eternal perspective, his glory and his timing is far grander than my “I want it now” perspective.
My waiting period for moving to the Middle East finally ended. I’m settling in to a new life, a new routine, a new culture. God’s timing still continues. His word teaches me how to live wisely in the already but not yet. It allows me to rest – albeit sometimes uncomfortably – in his sovereignty. If I were still waiting for this new season to begin, God showed me he is and would still be good. His timing really is perfect after all, even when the waiting is or isn’t over.
As we contemplate Advent, our thoughts may turn to our own waiting. My particular season of waiting has been swirled with disappointment and tension, joy and awe. The four themes of Advent – hope, peace, joy, and love – are beautiful indicators of how our waiting should be characterized. I often find myself waiting in just the opposite manner. In passages often used in the Advent season, biblical characters reflected the same struggle and temptation in waiting many of us face.
Waiting in Hope in Advent
Passage: Isaiah 8:11 – 9:7
Focus Verse: Isaiah 8:17 (ESV)
“I will wait for the LORD, who is hiding his face from the house of Jacob, and I will hope in him.”
Advent teaches us just as much about waiting in hope as waiting for hope. The prophet Isaiah lived at a time when the Assyrian invasion was imminent. Security was fragile, causing his fellow countrymen to despair. But God called him to live differently, not walking in the way of the people and not fearing what they fear. Extremely countercultural for his situation and time, Isaiah was called to wait upon God in hope, even when God appeared far away. Not many of the people around the prophet would follow in his footsteps. Isaiah and the two children born to him early in chapter 8 were testimonial of God’s faithfulness and presence among his people. Putting their hope in the Lord would be a well-proved sanctuary.
About six decades before Christ’s birth, Palestine came under Roman rule. Tensions between the Jews and their Roman occupiers swelled like a festering sore, oozing out in distrust and animosity. This is the situation in which King Herod took the throne. Suspicious of any perceived threat to his rule, Herod placed all of his hope in himself in order to protect his position. When mysterious wise men arrived, claiming to come pay homage to the true king of the Jews, Herod devised a ruthless plan to destroy hope (Matthew 2:13). God’s plan was bigger. Herod’s iron fist would not be able to secure the government on his own shoulders.
The enemy of hope would soon rather have us destroy it. But if he can’t get us to destroy hope, he might work to cause us to doubt it. It works to the same effect in his book.
Zechariah was a righteous man (Luke 1:5-6), chosen by lot to serve in the temple. We know something else about him, too. He and his wife Elizabeth were childless. While praying for his homeland Israel, he likely petitioned God to bring the promised Messiah from the line of David and perhaps included his own personal request for a child. The angel Gabriel appeared, announcing Zechariah’s prayer had been heard. They would have a son who would be the forerunner of the Messiah. Zechariah’s immediate reaction is doubt. “I’m old. Elizabeth is old. How is that possible?”
Doubt can set in quickly to quell hope. Coupled with doubt, forgetfulness fogs our spiritual memory of God’s mighty acts in the past. This can happen to seasoned saints and those with years of ministry under their belt. Zechariah and Elizabeth were not the only aged and barren couple surprised by an unexpected birth announcement. Abraham and Sarah were past child bearing age when God promised the birth of Isaac.
Advent presents us with options for waiting.
Are you tempted to believe hope is for those who have it all together? God does not reserve hope for the spiritual or social elite. Rather, it’s a gift for all. We only need to set our hope in him through faith to receive it.
O come, all unfaithful, downcast and defeated,
The place for such as these is Bethlehem.
Come hear the gospel, good news for the sinner
O bring your burdens to him,
Praise from all creatures due him,
The way to God is through him,
Christ the Lord!
photo credit: Dan Kiefer @Unsplash
I was the kind of person that worked on honing my maternal skills since I was big enough to hold a baby doll. Soothing a crying baby or singing a sleepy toddler to sleep seemed ingrained in me. As I got older, I did what I could to learn how to be the God-honoring, Spirit-led kind of wife and mother, should that day arrive. I knew I had a lot of growing to do, and I was more than willing to make the sacrifices marriage and motherhood required. Now I get giddy sharing about solid biblical material for children and family.
“You’re a natural,” my friend recently said. I was holding her young son and clicking away at the computer in my office while she was preparing to feed him. I froze, unsure how to respond to the comment. Inwardly, my initial reaction ranged from “A natural what?” to “What if that’s never part of my story?” Outwardly though, I remained silent. Perhaps even disappointed.
So far, being a “natural” has landed me as a single woman in my thirties with no kids to boast of.
Does that still make me a natural?
It also makes me think about the well-meaning relative or friends who have said, “You’re going to make a great wife!” I’ve received this comment from both married and unmarried. Sometimes for singles, though, going to church week after week or to event after event alone might make the hearers question that statement.
I know people mean well when they make remarks to someone about making a good spouse or parent. In fact, I’ve taken those compliments to heart before. And that just might be the problem. They became rooted in my heart along with my desires set on matrimony and maternity. What’s wrong with taking a compliment about making a great mother or wife to heart? More than we realize if it only points us to “one day” or “some day.”
“One day” or “some day” might not happen for everyone. At the least it could be delayed longer than we would like. But if it doesn’t come, pointing others to one day or some day sends subtle messages that say certain skills and characteristics are meant to climax at marriage or motherhood. If I don’t marry and bear children, then those skills are at a loss.
I don’t buy that message any longer.
And I’m refusing to let that “day” become an idol in my heart. Peter, speaking of being stewards of God’s gifts, writes, “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.” (1 Peter 4:10-11, ESV)
The gifts we have been given – even those that bear maternal or marital qualities – are meant to be a blessing for the entire body of Christ, not just for a spouse and kids. Right now I am not in the stage of life where I am a wife or mother. But that leaves plenty of room for me to be a good friend, neighbor, roommate, daughter, sister, aunt, coworker, etc. When I look at it that way, it’s not so limiting.
Singles and women without children, you are in no way limited in using your God-given gifts simply because you aren’t married or don’t have children. Your circle of influence in using those gifts may look different than what you’d prefer, but they aren’t restricted. That circle may include your niece and nephew or your friends’ children instead of ones that call you “mommy,” but you can still use it to serve others as God intended.
Church, help root the singles in community so that they have the opportunity to exercise their gifts and flourish in them. Let them know they are being a blessing to more than just a husband. Feed them with the truth that God’s steadfast love really is better than life (Psalm 63:3) – even better than the life of marriage and motherhood they may have always dreamed of. Encourage and affirm their gifts without assigning a title or status like “mother” or “wife” to it.
To the unmarried and those without children, resist the temptation to grow bitter because you don’t get to exercise those gifts on “your own” family. Remember that you are part of a much larger family in the body of Christ. Your gifts matter. Refuse to resent the ones that have families but never struck you as the nurturing type. God did not waste his gifts when he gave other people spouses and children. He holds them accountable for the gifts he gave them. Be a good steward of the gifts God has given you. Instead of harboring the “Lord, what about this man?” bitter attitude that Peter had (John 21:21), keep your eyes focused on Jesus one step at a time.
So what is a person to do with their desires for marriage and children? As beautifully described in Seasons of Waiting by Betsy Childs Howard, bring your longings before the Lord. The desire for a spouse and children are not in and of themselves bad or wrong. At the same time, realize it may not be part of the story God has for you, but we can trust his story is a good one.
Grace, a gifted writer, encourages us all to let go of the “natural” and normal expectations in place of grasping hold of God’s story. I find it hard to grasp hold of his story, let alone to see my story in his story, while I’m holding on so tightly to the pen. I have to release my grip and yield it to him instead of writing my own dream story.
The longer I walk with the Lord, the more I see how my story needs redeeming. My natural-ness is swaddled in skin and a sin nature eager to exert itself more often than I’d like to admit. I need reminders to long for the day of Christ’s appearing. That’s the “some day” my heart wants to look forward to.
Do I think I strive in vain trying to develop good skills working in the kitchen or with children? No, I don’t see them as a waste. I don’t believe God does either. What I’m learning is that more important than trying to look like a “natural” in the sense of motherhood and matrimony is conforming to the image of Christ. And God’s word shows us all how. “But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen” (2 Peter 3:18 ESV).
Colossians 4:6 speaks of gracious speech that is seasoned with salt. If we are not careful, our words will leave a bad aftertaste or be spiritually unhealthy to our hearers. One of the best ways you can guard the single friends or people you know who are serving overseas is by guarding your mouth. It seems simple, yet there are subtle ways we fail to do this.
We say unhelpful phrases like, “There’s something in the water.”
One major temptation is to share every story you know of someone who found their spouse while serving overseas. Someone shared story after story like this with me and concluded with, “There’s something in the water.” Looking back upon more years of singleness than I anticipated for myself, I fought the temptation to think God has given me an empty cup. Or perhaps no cup at all.
I had been fed these stories in my younger single years to the point that I began to crave them, standing at the barren, idolatrous cisterns I had hewn out for myself and remaining parched. When our conversations are grace-filled and seasoned with salt, we leave singles thirsty for Jesus, not wanting to dig out broken cisterns that can’t hold water.
We fail to ask the right questions… or any questions!
The first time I lived overseas, one question nationals loved to ask was, “Do you want to stay here and get married?” I was ten years younger, at a stage of life where I could brush it off with a joke if I wanted. In some areas of the world, not being married at my age is not taboo. In other areas, the societal pressure to marry is stronger. Asking good cultural questions can give insight into how we can best support them in their singleness will also learning about other cultures. Consider a question like, “What are the cultural views of marriage where you’re living?” (If you have more, I would love to hear them!)
I write this as someone who is learning from the unhelpful things I have heard, said, and allowed to feed my heart. I also approach this as a learner. Together we can begin being a healthier sounding board for singles. For reading more on this subject, I highly recommend I Don’t Wait Anymore by my friend Grace. Her insight has been very encouraging and refreshing for me and many others. She writes so well!